For the first few days of motherhood, I walked around in a pleasant postpartum haze. I was deliriously happy. I loved everyone — even the OB who stitched up my vajay-jay.
When the hormones and adrenaline wore off, though, I realized I was in the middle of a shit storm (with both literal and figurative shit). Why does this thing keep peeing on me? Is four layers of clothing too much for a winter walk? And why has no one brought me sushi yet?
While these are all important and relevant worries, there are definitely lots of other things you should NOT be concerned about. There’s a lot of pressure on moms to have it all together, all the time. Be a rebel — don’t cave to those unrealistic expectations!
Without any further delay, here are my top 5 things you should NOT worry about postpartum.
Things you should NOT worry about #1: Getting dressed
Oh, you’ve been in your pyjamas all day? Girl, please. Why would you bother getting dressed? You’ve got nowhere you need to be, the baby is barfing on you 24/7, and you’re just going to take a nap later anyway.
This is a rare, glorious time in your life when you can stay in your jammies aaaaaaall daaaaaay loooooong. Yeah, it will get old– but before you know it, you’ll be back to shimmying in and out of your skinny jeans and getting poked in the ribs by the rogue underwire in your bra. So enjoy it while it lasts!
Things you should NOT worry about #2: Showering
In the first six weeks, I couldn’t even remember if I’d brushed my teeth, let alone showered.
I have five words for you: Mom bun. Dry shampoo. Deodorant.
On the days I could actually smell my own stench, I made a greater effort to shower. But when given the choice between bathing and sleeping, I chose sleeping every damn time. You should too.
Things you should NOT worry about #3: Keeping your house clean
Believe me, I know what it’s like to have dust bunnies on the floor that are so big they have their own gravitational pull. It sucks looking at them. But get over it.
Accept the filth. It’s here to stay. After all, you just had a baby, who will turn into a toddler and colour on your walls, who will turn into a kid and track mud onto the floors, who will turn into a teenager and leave dirty dishes under the bed. Your house is never going to be spotless again.
But it’s OK! Because no one is judging you (and if they are, frankly, they’re an asshole). The world will not end if you leave the sink full of dishes and the clothes in a pile on the floor.
Gentle reminder: your baby won’t be a baby forever. So kick your feet up and cuddle that little munchkin while you still can!
Things you should NOT worry about #4: Losing weight
Listen, momma. You just pushed a baby out of your hoo-ha, or got carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Your body has been through A LOT lately. The last thing you need to worry about is shedding those pregnancy pounds!
Give your body some time to heal. Let those crazy-ass hormones rebalance. If you still feel like losing weight once life has normalized a little, go for it. But PLEASE don’t feel pressure to have washboard abs weeks or even months after bringing your baby into this world (or ever, for that matter).
In the meantime, I highly recommend doing some online shopping while that cozy little bundle is snoozing on your chest. Treat yourself to some cute new clothes in your new size! You deserve it! (Plus, when you’ve barely left the house in weeks, getting packages delivered to your door is the most exciting thing since Starbucks introduced the Unicorn Frappucino!)
Things you should NOT worry about #5: Being a nice person
You lost it on your husband for not just knowing how many minutes to microwave the bottle sterilizer for? Snapped at your toddler for asking “why” for the bajillionth time? Got mad at your dog for not being more like Nana in Peter Pan? Screamed at the TV when Rachel thought Joey proposed to her on Friends?
Hell hath no fury like a sleep-deprived, hormonal, postpartum momma.
But lady, we forgive you.
Honestly, no one expects you to be a goddamn ray of sunshine when you’re exhausted, sore, and overwhelmed.
Once you get through the first couple of months, you can try harder to be a nice person again. And you can rest easy knowing that you are still a nicer person than the entire cast of Bachelor in Paradise combined.
So Momma, next time you’re on Pinterest and see one of those pins about losing the baby weight, scroll on through. Your worth is not defined by how put-together you look to how sparkling clean your bathroom is.
Be present with that baby through all the ups and downs (I’m not going to give you the “enjoy every moment” cliche, because that’s BS). Accept help, and lean on as many people as you can. I swear to you, things won’t always be this chaotic.
Keep up the great work, Momma. Better days are ahead!
What’s one thing you had to let go of postpartum? Share in the comments!